Kerri’s Awesome ‘Blog

I have the best job in the world!

I love doing what I do, I visit people in their homes, play with fabric and colours and walk out with a handful of money. Cool huh?

The best bit is when a customer cancels an appointment and there is little to do. This morning is an example of that.

I work for a crazy, loveable couple (S & V) who treat me and my family like their own family. This could be an issue for a lot of people in the workplace, but for us it works like a dream, mainly I think, because there is so much respect on all sides.

S & V have a young family who I have seen grow since birth and have done the odd babysitting adventure for them. My son has helped S on a few jobs with some labouring work, and we have socialised with them, their friends and family. V makes her special Czech dumplings just because she knows my husband loves them. We are all pretty good mates outside the workplace.

So, back to today.. S arrives and I am playing on Twitter, he comments "ah, working hard already are we?" I grunt and nod while shoving a pack of chocolate chip cookies in his face. He responds "My turn to make coffee then?" I grunt and nod again, refreshing the Twitter page. He knows me too well, I am NOT a morning person!

My first appointment had cancelled the night before, so I had a couple of hours to kill.

S arrives with coffee (hazelnut flavoured today) and he gas bags without taking a breath we chat about the Real Estate he and V were looking at over the weekend.

I start to do some actual work and note with some smug satisfaction that this is the case and he throws me a shocked look "Hell, we can't have that! More coffee?"

Gotta love the man!

V, I don't know how you put up with him, you are a saint!

P.S. When the work is on, we all run around like blue ass flies.... REALLY! LOL

A little detail.... I am in the Soft Furnishings industry and I help people decide what window furnishings to buy and I do quotations, normally based on measurements that I take when I go to their home. I say 'NORMALLY' as there is the occasional exception to this rule, where a customer will bring their own measurements into the showroom wanting to get an idea of price.

This is where things can become either frustrating, comical or both. I have come across many methods of customers attempts to convey these measurements to me, however the following are my favourites:

The 'How Long is a Piece of String' method - the customer digs around in her handbag and pulls out a piece of string. There are two knots in the string, one represents the width of the window, the other represents the drop. Two problems with this method..... which end is the starting end? Which knot is which?

The 'Elastic Fantastic' method - similar to the 'How Long is a Piece of String' method, except there are no knots. Fully stretched is the drop and half stretched is the width. HALF stretched? What the fuck is HALF stretched?

After 30 years in the industry, a customer finally came in with a new method. YAY!

The 'I'm a Fucking Moron and Still Confuse Feet with Metres' method - customer still has a handbag, but this time a piece of paper makes its way to the surface. OMG! A piece of paper! This looks REALLY promising! My elation was, however, short lived!

The customer tells me the width is '3 feet' plus '89'. OK, Im flexible, I can do imperial measurements.... but what is this '89' shit? Is it 89 mm? 89 cm? 89 inches?

The customer asks me to show her a measuring tape and she will explain it to me. I show her the tape and she gives me all sorts of grief about it being metric. Of course its metric! We went metric in Australia 41 years ago FFS!

OK, harsh I know, but sometimes customers are just plain STUPID!